再也见不到了，所以只能这样对你说。
一路平安。

再也不会有bad time。每事胜意。
家庭和美。学会原谅。
控制怒气。成功戒烟。
事业成功。以及一切你想要的。
all the best, gud luck wiz everythng.

那么，就不说再见了。

236.
if time can b weighted, how many kilos wud it b?

when time slipping away, when days accumulate, i can hear the sound of counting down.
236/248 hs gone. 
only 12d left.

the 13th last day.

there's no need 2 say gudbye tis time, isnt it.

Family means Father And Mother I Love You.

Mum n Dad, i miss u, i luv u.
dont worry about me, im gettin happy, n i can heal.

i lost my student id card.
i hv 2  talk crap when i dont really wanna speak.
im bored yet im tired 2 move.
i can only dr auto but im lookin' 4 a manual car.
i dont wanna wake up early n i bcm sleepless @ nite gradually.
am i 2 old 2 stretch skin n muscle 2 form a smile?
dont wanna b so useless when i 2 dont wanna givup my hope n peace.
my tears frosts than my diamond ring.
im so happy when i  wake up n find myself still breathng.
but also im so sad when i wake up n find here cms the morng.
life goes on like a mysterious river.
my time freezes in a dried well.
can no more hear the tick-tack of movin on.
im sober when i pour my tears n let go.

i'v got nothng else 2 own or lose.
so i'll b ok.

gim'me strength 2 move on. gim'me strength 2 b strong.
i dont kno how many tears can relieve all the pain. i dont kno how long it take 2 heal the invisable wounds.
but when all the tears dry out, i'll turn bakc  wiz a peaceful smile, hopefully.

life can b bored when u dont really hv anythng 2 do, it's true.
started 2 read books tat madoka left here, finished a pic book composed by jimmy, just put myself onto murakami haruki's kavka. well i hv 2 say, i quite njoy those 2 books indeed.
jimmy's books r alwas sorta movin', touchin'... he uses simple way 2 explain deep thngs. his language can seem childish sometimes, but quite often it can just hit directly 2 ur heart. such as 'princess' gowns r beautiful but they r not suitable 2 me. cuz even though princess looks stunnin' in these gowns, but she is alwas not happy. the only day in her life tat she's cheerful, is her weddin' day...' '...the little butterfly feels sad 4 those couples who r seekin 4 each other but alwas unfortunately lost by chance. this little girl thnks tat it's so unfair, therefore she swear the unjustified world. but suddenly here comes a voice n the little girl hears it clearly in her head, it says: dont be so angry, little girl. only if these people ever lose each other, otherwise they wont really understand wat does it mean by "cherish"; otherwise they wont understand how the feelin' joyful is like.'
kavka's story is amazin. a special 15-yr-old boy, who's abandoned by his beloved mother n cuirsed
by his consanguineous father. his missin' mother loves him but left him n as well she left the whole family; his father hates him 4 no reason (mayb he blame him 4 the mother left home...? i dont kno... just started readin...); he hs a sister but he hardly rmb anythng about her, even the appearance; n on his 15th b-day, he decides 2 b a wonder, he names himself as "tamura kavka" n  leav the empty hs at the mid of nite... wat a mysterious world. but the story really attracts me continuous readin... i hardly read this sorta stories, cuz they seem 2 queer 4 me... n i dont really wanna read 2 much of this kinda books, i dont want 2 get oversensitive in mind=  =+ especially when im already 2 emotional... but this one's really interestin', i'll finish this one 4 sure.

startin' lookin' 4 a car now. i hv 2 take it slow, though i really want 2 get one asap... cuz i want 2 find myself a job in agency rather than go back 2 the n/h. but i need a car 2 take me everywhere if i work 4 a agency.... T^T i guess i really need a job 2 keep my mind off the borin' life... im currently doin' nothng but stay home get bored of myself... wat makes it worse is i dont even hv my laptop wiz me... orz||||||||| ahhhhh, i want a reliable car with my budget, i want a nice job 2 keep me busier a little bit...

i miss mum. i really do. everytime i got her sms, sayin' she's worried about me, i felt low.
it seems i alwaz made the worst decision, like i put myself into endless troubles; like i leav her worried about me, alone, in china.
sorry, mum... im not a gud girl. so self-willed. alwaz get u anxious.
sorry mum. i am really sorry. 4 all the thngs i'v done wrong. though i didnt mean 2 do they wrong on purpose, still i kept u so sad n worried.
i kno u really care about me in every detail. i kno lots of thngs i couldnt giv up r those thng i really need 2 let go. i understand u r quite right, at lots of points. u r correct, mum, u r.
sorry mum.
sorry. i'v let u down so many times... but tat's enough, i'll bring it 2 an end. mum, i wont betray u anymore.
trust me.

似乎已经说了太多告别的话。
那么，这次，就不说再见了。

其实我舍不得。

想起当初看孟婆系列的时候，曾经看到：
存在和离开，一切都是合理的。

笑。
现在，我的存在跟离开，也许都没有理由。
但至少，我相信它们都是合理的。
也许有天我会明白。
也许，那天到来我已经等不到。

但是，谁又知道呢。

所有的故事其实都是这样，你猜到开头，甚至转承乃至高潮，你却永远猜错那个结尾。
我想，那只是因为故事的结尾，其实从来就不是我们所想要的。

放心吧。
我已经不会再受伤了。
因为已经不会觉得疼了。
疼痛原来跟不幸一样，都是可以慢慢习惯的。
我原来不知道，竟然是真的。